Duck! Its Chips!

Daffys always a favourite with chips

Todays luncheon moshers! Crispy duck (£3.99 from German supermarket Lidl) and chips (our American cousins call them fries). And it was to f**king die for! The skin and flesh of a duck is something else, and if one of the perks on a sunday morning is lurking around your wife/partner, trying to steal bits of chicken skin or pork crackling, then wait until you get a load of duck! Obviously this blog post is aimed at duck virgins (and boy does THAT sound weird!) because readers who have already tasted this delicious bird will know exactly what I mean.
Allow me to spell it out again, in case that chicken got your earhole: DUCK IS F**KING TASTY AS ALL HOLY F**K! Get that? Feed them in the park all you want but unless you've tried duck, either as a roast dinner or accompanied by chips and egg, I can safely say that you have never lived. Well you did but all bland like *smiles*

Slobber and drool over these pics and vids. I bought two because....why not? Orgasm on a plate.

Egg, Chips & Beans

26 years in the making

One important thing to remember when it comes to food is that tasty food is very nearly always the most simple to make. Aye you can follow some dour celebrity chefs four hour guide on making some poncey dish like Camel Fritters in Pheasant Eyeball sauce but if you ever need something truly delicious and homely, keep it simple Charlie. (Whoever Charlie is). Google 'comfort food' and you won't find anything fancy. And it doesn't get any easier than the British classic ~ egg, chips & beans. This is food of champions, nosh of the gods! And if Bacon is the God of Scran (food), then egg, chips and beans are its messianic lieutenants.
Take a gander at the photo above. I cooked that last week. And every mouthful gave me waves of Orgasmatron (to keep it metal). Little wonder I got positive comments when I posted the pic on Twitter. Some sweet folk thought I had gone to a restaurant! Nope, I am Fry King Supreme, the chipper lord. 26 years of frying your own eggs will do that to a person. Boy it tasted good! I'd bet a kidney that even the most hardened lettuce head could not deny its greasy charms.

Bargain Cluck Box

Better than KFC

Tired of paying through the ass for that (in my opinion) corpsey looking breaded sh!te in Kentucky F**ked Chicken? Sick of getting COLESLAW with chips? (Bast@rd revolting!) Then why not head on over to Farmfoods and stick one of these "SFC Bargain Boxes. Only cost three of your British pounds and for that you get 6 good sized chicken legs/thighs coated in the obligatory breadcrumbs. 30 minutes in the oven and BOSH! Job done.
I am a huge fan of fried chicken but have a major dislike for KFC grub with their God awful soggy chips and foul looking chicken portions in sloppy coating, so seeing this box o' fried clucks in Farmfoods made me smile like a cleaver going through a chickens neck. (I suppose I could make it at home but Id probably f**k it up and waste good meat which would be a darned shame when people are starving.) Pleased to report that its good stuff too! Had some for lunch, and like a whore in a porno, I was left feeling very full and satisfied. Nice big chunks of white thigh, succulent legs and not too 'breadcrumby'. You could easily feed two youngsters and an adult with one box providing you made chips to go with it. Now, how much would it cost to feed three people in KFC? Exactly.

Tenby's Greatest Chippy

Greatness awaits beyond this doorway

Your dear mosher went down to Tenby yesterday and not only was the sun shining like a MoFo, the fish was fresh, the chips crispy and the Cola cold! I know I have mentioned Park Road chippy before but it does such fantastic fish & chips that I am compelled (yes really) to mention them again. Any lover of this classic British dish simply must visit this chip shop and taste the cod encased in golden batter. Its mouth watering!


Seriously good fish & chips

Burger with Onion Rings

Smile!

I was surfing American burger joints a few days ago and saw one (it might have been from In n' Out Burgers but not 100%) where they put onion rings on the pattie'burger instead of regular fried onions. Now I was always of the mind that onions were the preferred topping of hot dogs but I could never turn down the chance to cook and taste a new idea. The cheese was extra mature but the burger I used was a veggie type *shock* Not that it mattered because the cheese and onion were the dominant flavours in this burger and I enjoyed it.
Id be interested to see how a fried egg would taste in this combo were I to replace cheese for eggs. Could be onto a winner there come to think about it as the yolk would compliment the battered onions fairly well. *Makes mental note to add egg next*
By the way if like me you are partial to a slice of bread and butter with your chips/fries, pass on it with this meal. I definately will be next time! Tasty burger though, well recommended.

Music to eat to ~ Slayer, Rammstein, Obituary.


Onion specs

Rissoles and Pasta

Rissoles: golden globes

Added chicken pasta to the age old classic rissole & chips and happy to say that it turned out really well, as you can see in the photo. It was damned tasty and I didn't use as much vinegar as I usually do on rissoles. For some reason I think of this is as a summer meal, why couldn't tell you, it just feels 'summery' somehow. Be warned! Normal appetites would be satisfied with just one rissole of course, but as ever my hunger was at premium.
Chips are the only thing which accompanies a good rissole, salads don't cut it at all. Its like having cheese & crackers with a mug of tea. They can go together but are not an obvious pairing.
As seen from the chalkboard below from the Contented Sole chippy in Carmarthen, there are a few flavours of rissole on offer and all of them are delicious. Cheese rissoles are becoming very popular im told, whilst I always opt for the 'original' type.

Music to eat to ~ Bon Jovi, U2, Saxon, Guns n' Roses


Popular in chip shops

Fish Pie and Chips

At the captain's table

I never imagined mixing fish and cheese would work. Ive thrown a lot of weird and wonderful foods together in experiments (one only has to read this blog for evidence of this) but I would never have dreamedup the fish pie had it been left up to me.
Frozen fish company Young's make a great one, called the Admiral's Pie which as it says on the box is Alaska Pollock fillets with mashed potato, butter sauce and cheddar cheese. Nuke it for 10 minutes in the microwave and your ready to tuck in! I always add chips because its not a particularly filling meal if served on its own. Some however might be put off by this as being too 'potatoey'. (Not a word? It should be!)

Music to eat to ~ Kyuss, Stone Sour, Green Day

No Sun In The Oven

Beefless lasagna like the hippies cook

To prove that I am not totally hostile toward the veggies flaking out amongst us (joke! Lighten up!) I cooked a vegetarain lasagna with chips/fries. Or to be more accurate, Linda MacCartney made the lasagna and I chucked on a few chips to go with it. I am not the biggest fan of minced beef since eating tins of the stuff years ago during a drinking binge and getting violently sick from it. (Ok it was probably the alcohol but its easier to blame the food).
I really enjoy this meal. Yes it looks pale like it needs a week in the Mediterranean but it is a really tasty meal. And it never gets heavy, never stuffs you to the gills so if you are the type that enjoys a stroll after dinner (or better still a good mosh) then you won't be hindered by a lead stomach.

Music to eat to ~ Skid Row, Cinderella, L.A. Guns, Faster Pussycat

Tenby's Fab Fish & Chip Shop

Watch the above video to see how Fish & Chips should look like. In Wales? Want to try this meal? Then head on over to Park road in Tenby and you'll find this fantastic Chippy opposite the blue gift shop with giant, inflatable pool toys hanging over its front. (Trust me you can't miss it)!
Now you may be tempted with the other delicious things on offer like their pies or awesome rissoles, but do stick with the cod & chips because Tenby is a seaside town where boats with super fresh fish arrive in the harbour daily so you can be sure of great tasting fish. (You could always add a rissole to your order and take it home for a rissole sandwich).
You can choose to eat in or out and if you decide to eat inside the tables are placed a reasonable distance apart so you don't go banging into peoples elbows like you do in some places I could mention. Good prices too and they have a licence to sell alcohol so major plus on that score.

Music to eat to ~ nothing. If eating out, take your parcel of Fish & Chips to the Esplanade overlooking the sea front and enjoy to the sound of waves crashing below. Watch out for seagulls! Mind you Caldy the Seagull, Twitter's newest hero and official Pembrokeshire spokesbird, is quite friendly.

Keeping It Simple with Pie

Just add brown sauce

You cant get simpler than Pie and Chips. No chippy in Britain would be without it, and wives have cooked this classic meal for husbands since we first lifted a club. (Of course Woolly Mammoth went into them back then).
I always have a Minced Beef and Onion Pie but theres a fair choice on offer including Steak and Kidney, Chicken, Steak and Ale, even Curry if you fancy it.
Pies are a speciality in my hometowns Fish & Chip shops, and were the perfect food to keep me going that extra mile on a good binge. Its also the only food (apart from fish) that I will put vinegar on, as usually I cant stand vinegar.
Pies are also great in a sandwich (see below), although admittedly im the only one I know who has them this way.


Pie Sarnie

Music to eat to ~ The Almighty, Motorhead, Fear Factory.

Mouth Full of Chops

Delicious ~ Pork Doorstops

Pork is one of my favourite meats (especially Belly Pork) and it can be roasted, grilled, fried or chucked on the barbecue. The Chops in the photo were grilled (20 mins on medium heat) and were fantastic! When buying Pork I recommend you ignore supermarkets and head to the butchers for your meat. Not that there is anything particularly wrong with the supermarkets (some do have fine butchers in their store), but I love the personal touch that local butchers have and they know your favourite cuts.
Care must be taken when cooking Pork however. Cook for too long and it becomes much too chewy and all you end up with is tired jawbones. As I say, 20 minutes under a medium grill is perfect. For a little added flavour (and im revealing a cooking secret here) I melt a knob of butter over the Chops a minute before they are ready. Tastes great make no mistake!
I have two favourite Porky meals; with Chips and Egg like above, or with Roast Potatoes. My late mother used to cook Belly Pork with Roasties in the middle of the week and its a tradition that im very happy to keep going. Cheers Mum!

Music to eat to ~ Testamnet, Walls Of Jericho, Dark Angel, Acid Reign.

Nuke The Swine!

Nuked!

The above was an experiment I cooked up (or should that be 'nuked up'?) just over an hour ago for lunch. After another busy morning I just felt lazy and decided to gather up my bacon and chips (fries for American readers) and zap them in the microwave. I then did the same with the poached eggs. PING!
But how did it go? And would it get me through a Hatebreed gig?
Well on the plus side, it was all cooked in around six minutes and because no nasty fats wre used (nasty to doctors that is, I love fats), its a very healthy method of cooking. So good news on that front.
But what of the all important taste? Well here is where the downer comes in. The eggs were fine, no problem but the bacon was very bland and chewy. I couldn't even eat the rind which is the part I like the most! Miss Piggy's sacrifice was sadly in vain for this dish and the chips weren't much better. Edible but soggy and pale, nothing like the glory that is chips cooked in a deep fat fryer. Indeed had I not chucked on genourous helpings of salt and brown sauce I wouldn't even have finished it. **shock**
Oh well, I tried, but this meal wouldn't have got me through a few Babychams at a Kylie Minogue gig, nevermind Jagerbombs with Hatebreed.

Oggy, Eggy and Chippy

Who slipped the fried onions in?

First of all, what exactly is an 'Oggy'? Well it has nothing whatsoever to do with Max Boyce's stage intro. Oggy is what I used to call sausages when I was a child. Well I say 'used to', I still do actually. And the above culinary delight that I cooked a few days ago is standard fare in greasyspoons up and down the country. Sausage, egg, chips and fried onion. (Not sure if the onion would be added as this was something I decided to lob in the frying pan at the last minute).
Perfect meal before going and getting Jagerbombed to the sound of thrash metallers Sacred Reich but it is missing something. Bacon! When I was devouring this plate of fried holiness, I was constantly looking under the pile of chips for a rasher of swine, and it did feel less of a meal without it. Another mistake was using one those jumbo sausages they have in chippy's instead of the regular types used in breakfasts. It felt like half fried, half oven baked; a sort of mad cross between eating chip shop grub and a fry up.
Still good stodge mind, setting you up for a good nights headbanging.