MacWimpy

The funk of the junk

If home cooked beef burgers are Iron Maiden, those salt infested abominations available in the sickly, neon kingdoms are Bryan Adams. Popular and safe to show your mother but quite unremarkable in both taste and looks (still we love Bri eh?) Generic patties, all marching to the same beat on a giant conveyor belt into the jelly stomachs of unfussy masses.
When you put away the wallet/purse and cook your own beef burgers, you will see, and more importantly TASTE the difference. Sure a visit to MacFrankenstein is easier and it keeps the kids happy (which is depressing in itself) but easy rarely makes way for quality.
Home is where heart (and belly) is. Everyone remembers fondly, the home cooked burger that mum always made. Nothing else was like it, unique in every way. Ah the memories! (Something else the neon sh!thouses seldom throw up). You might not get a 'free' toy with a meal at home but mum doesn't need to fob you off with plastic bribes ~ her burgers is plenty.
See me up there in the photo with my convenient, greasy scrumpings? What you can't see is the boredom in my eyes, and a soul so utterly bored with fastfood. I love food but there's nothing to love about a branded zombie burger. Uniformed. Grub shouldn't look, smell and taste the same, and it shouldn't be manhandled by a skinny teenager on job placement before handing over your coin.

Bargain Cluck Box

Better than KFC

Tired of paying through the ass for that (in my opinion) corpsey looking breaded sh!te in Kentucky F**ked Chicken? Sick of getting COLESLAW with chips? (Bast@rd revolting!) Then why not head on over to Farmfoods and stick one of these "SFC Bargain Boxes. Only cost three of your British pounds and for that you get 6 good sized chicken legs/thighs coated in the obligatory breadcrumbs. 30 minutes in the oven and BOSH! Job done.
I am a huge fan of fried chicken but have a major dislike for KFC grub with their God awful soggy chips and foul looking chicken portions in sloppy coating, so seeing this box o' fried clucks in Farmfoods made me smile like a cleaver going through a chickens neck. (I suppose I could make it at home but Id probably f**k it up and waste good meat which would be a darned shame when people are starving.) Pleased to report that its good stuff too! Had some for lunch, and like a whore in a porno, I was left feeling very full and satisfied. Nice big chunks of white thigh, succulent legs and not too 'breadcrumby'. You could easily feed two youngsters and an adult with one box providing you made chips to go with it. Now, how much would it cost to feed three people in KFC? Exactly.

Cracking Crackling

Heres some I made earlier

Another lovely snack im almost addicted to is Pork Crackling (Pork Rind in the US). Ignore the tiny packets that supermarkets are fond of selling because these are nothing compared to the real deal crackling you can get from the butcher. Or even better make it yourself! It couldn't be easier if it got up and bunged itself in the oven.
First get yer pork skin/rind from the butchers or supermarket. Morrisons sell two 'rolls' of it for around 70p. Before putting them in the oven, coat the skins with oil then cook for 45~55mins. Be careful when you take them out as the roasting dish will be hot, even with oven gloves!
After they are done, put on some Bolt Thrower and break the Crackling into nice bite sized pieces.

Music to peck to ~ Anthrax

The Poet's Mudball

See the egg? Its not needed.

Right I promised you dear moshers that I would share a snack I created myself (at least ive never come across it elsewhere) and here it is, I call it the Poet's Mudball! And it is flipping lush (lovely) I tell you, LUSH!
So simple too. All you need is a Pot Noodle (think Raman noodles) and a *Scotch Egg.
Create a hole in the breadcrumbed part (as seen above), pull the egg out and eat it whole. It gives you something to chew on while the noodles soak in the soy sauce. Leave the Pot Noodle stand for 5 minutes then fill the Scotch Egg 'casing' with noodles and voila! You have an instant tasty as f**k treat. Chicken & Mushroom flavour Pot Noodles are what work best in a Poet's Mudball, the curry one is too peppery. But hey there are no solid rules here, and if a curry one is more your jug of Jagerbomb then go for it!


How apples should be

* A Scotch Egg is hard-boiled egg coated in a sausage meat mixture then rolled in breadcrumbs and deep fried.

Music to eat to ~ Foo Fighters, System Of A Down, Helmet.