Colon Cleaning for Moshers

There. A work of Art

What is this you feast your eyes upon?! A cheesy, battered sandwich of doom! (Nothing was fried though and I don't use butter so it wasn't ALL bad.) Sometimes you gotta throw caution (and yer waistline) to the wind and eat dangerously. What good is a life spent munching on lettuce and muesli? And you can't put the awesome Professor Phardtpounder's Colon Cleaner on muesli. (Well you could but I suspect it wouldn't taste very nice). Ever since I first bought a bottle of Colon Cleaner (from Dr Burnorium's Hot Sauce Emporium) I have been smashing it on everything from bacon sarnies to chicken wings, so darned tasty! A Caribbean style, mustard-based sauce with Scotch Bonnet peppers but don't worry! Its nowhere near in the same league, heat wise, as say Blair's Mega Death so even newbies would handle his bad boy sauce. In fact if you are a fan of regular old mustard, you will enjoy this.
So what went into this epic sarnie of doom? Crispy chicken portion, onion rings (breadcrumbs), tomato, all topped off with delicious melted, stringed cheddar cheese and slapped between two slices of unbuttered toast. All grilled and served with hefty dollops of Prof Phardtpounder's Colon Cleaner. Spiffing chaps and chapesses, absolutely bloody SPIFFING! I think I deserve a massive pat on the back and tons of applause for creating such a marvellous work of Art.

Bargain Cluck Box

Better than KFC

Tired of paying through the ass for that (in my opinion) corpsey looking breaded sh!te in Kentucky F**ked Chicken? Sick of getting COLESLAW with chips? (Bast@rd revolting!) Then why not head on over to Farmfoods and stick one of these "SFC Bargain Boxes. Only cost three of your British pounds and for that you get 6 good sized chicken legs/thighs coated in the obligatory breadcrumbs. 30 minutes in the oven and BOSH! Job done.
I am a huge fan of fried chicken but have a major dislike for KFC grub with their God awful soggy chips and foul looking chicken portions in sloppy coating, so seeing this box o' fried clucks in Farmfoods made me smile like a cleaver going through a chickens neck. (I suppose I could make it at home but Id probably f**k it up and waste good meat which would be a darned shame when people are starving.) Pleased to report that its good stuff too! Had some for lunch, and like a whore in a porno, I was left feeling very full and satisfied. Nice big chunks of white thigh, succulent legs and not too 'breadcrumby'. You could easily feed two youngsters and an adult with one box providing you made chips to go with it. Now, how much would it cost to feed three people in KFC? Exactly.

Chicken Crumbs

Breadcrumbs without chicken

So I bought a bag of chicken nuggets to use the meat in a vindaloo. (Its my lazy assed way of making a curry when I want a quick one knocked up). All I do is cook the nuggets, strip the breadcrumbs from the 'chicken' (im still not convinced its chicken) and use it in a vindaloo.
But WHAT THE F**K? Look at how much breadcrumb coating there is without the meat!? No wonder the folk who usually shovel this stuff down their necks have waists like double decker buses. Jeepers! Naturally there will be more coating on these foods but when you actually see it like this its quite shocking. Im glad I used the meat only, and binned the rest.

Check the vid out.

The Poet's Mudball

See the egg? Its not needed.

Right I promised you dear moshers that I would share a snack I created myself (at least ive never come across it elsewhere) and here it is, I call it the Poet's Mudball! And it is flipping lush (lovely) I tell you, LUSH!
So simple too. All you need is a Pot Noodle (think Raman noodles) and a *Scotch Egg.
Create a hole in the breadcrumbed part (as seen above), pull the egg out and eat it whole. It gives you something to chew on while the noodles soak in the soy sauce. Leave the Pot Noodle stand for 5 minutes then fill the Scotch Egg 'casing' with noodles and voila! You have an instant tasty as f**k treat. Chicken & Mushroom flavour Pot Noodles are what work best in a Poet's Mudball, the curry one is too peppery. But hey there are no solid rules here, and if a curry one is more your jug of Jagerbomb then go for it!


How apples should be

* A Scotch Egg is hard-boiled egg coated in a sausage meat mixture then rolled in breadcrumbs and deep fried.

Music to eat to ~ Foo Fighters, System Of A Down, Helmet.