Colon Cleaning for Moshers

There. A work of Art

What is this you feast your eyes upon?! A cheesy, battered sandwich of doom! (Nothing was fried though and I don't use butter so it wasn't ALL bad.) Sometimes you gotta throw caution (and yer waistline) to the wind and eat dangerously. What good is a life spent munching on lettuce and muesli? And you can't put the awesome Professor Phardtpounder's Colon Cleaner on muesli. (Well you could but I suspect it wouldn't taste very nice). Ever since I first bought a bottle of Colon Cleaner (from Dr Burnorium's Hot Sauce Emporium) I have been smashing it on everything from bacon sarnies to chicken wings, so darned tasty! A Caribbean style, mustard-based sauce with Scotch Bonnet peppers but don't worry! Its nowhere near in the same league, heat wise, as say Blair's Mega Death so even newbies would handle his bad boy sauce. In fact if you are a fan of regular old mustard, you will enjoy this.
So what went into this epic sarnie of doom? Crispy chicken portion, onion rings (breadcrumbs), tomato, all topped off with delicious melted, stringed cheddar cheese and slapped between two slices of unbuttered toast. All grilled and served with hefty dollops of Prof Phardtpounder's Colon Cleaner. Spiffing chaps and chapesses, absolutely bloody SPIFFING! I think I deserve a massive pat on the back and tons of applause for creating such a marvellous work of Art.

Cheese Muerte

Festive Grub

The tastiest skin from a bird EVER. It might be bad for you but how can something this good be so bad? Makes chicken skim taste like lettuce. Oh my God fathers is it lush. Like an orgasm really. True story.

Below is the festive Phaal curry I make with the leftover meat. Gently fry some onions in lightly oiled saucepan, add the meat, the curry paste (I use Patak's) and pepper and chili and simmer for 15 minutes. You can add tomatoes too if thats your thing.
Oh and cook with some great metal playing in the background. I had Trivium's brilliant Ascendancy album kicking out.




Phaal Curry


Bacon and Cheese on Toast

Perfect Picnic Snacks from Greece

I HAVE FOUND THE PERFECT PICNIC FOOD!
Large button mushrooms stuffed with beautiful feta cheese, soaked in olive oil (albeit the oil is a little on the heavy side). My God these a re SOOOO good! Yeah yeah they might look slimy and mushy buttry one and im fairly certain you will agree they are delicious.
And below we have olives, stuffed hot red 'olives' and sun dried tomatoes. IBeing a lover of spicy foods I particularly fell in love with those red 'olives'. (I say olives but im not 100% sure they are real olives). I bought these from a genuine Greek market stall that was in Carmarthen a week ago and yes they were on the pricer side but ultimately you get what you pay for and I wasn't disappointed.


Better than strawberries

National Grilled Cheese Day

The LSD for dreams

Its National Grilled cheese Day today (is there a special day for everything?) so in its honour heres a pic of a drunken dish I knocked up a few nights ago. Cheese, onion, toast. A Holy trinity in the food world much like fish, mashed potatoes, parsley sauce. Grilled cheese is a particular favourite of this headbanger because (A) it reminds me of childhood, and (B) you can do quite a bit with it such as adding Worcester Sauce, baked beans, etc. I can (and do) go through a large sized hunk of cheese (say 350g) in a couple of days. Is that bad? Dont be silly, how can anything that tastes so good in a hundred different ways be bad? Preposterous idea!
And on the metal side of things, if you pop over to iTunes right now, you can download a 'forgotten' track off Pantera's awesome Vulgar Display Of Power album. Its called 'Piss' and a fine track it is too (check it out below). I bought my first iPhone yesterday so 'Piss' has become my first ever iTune purchase. Metal (and cheese) Forever!

P.S. did you know the Welsh word for cheese is caws? You do now!

Cheese & Chives

So moorish!

Why in name of Kerry King's beard have Tesco stopped selling these wonderful crisps? It was one of the only tasty things they sold. (I find their grub very bland). Forget Pringles, these cheese & chive potato snacks were the buisness. And I demand Tesco bring them back this instant!

Pepperoni Pizza & Egg

Heres something I rustled up last night during a drinking session. you can tell im on the sauce because I repeat the fact im using fresh farm eggs throughout the entire vid. El Oh El! (LOL geddit?) Anyway this is one of those perfect drinking meals in my opinion as it covers all the bases: meat, bread, cheese and egg. Enjoy!

Ps ~ theres no Cannibal Corpse playing in the background like there usually is, because if there was you wouldn't hear me talking. And you wouldn't want that now would you?

Fish Pie and Chips

At the captain's table

I never imagined mixing fish and cheese would work. Ive thrown a lot of weird and wonderful foods together in experiments (one only has to read this blog for evidence of this) but I would never have dreamedup the fish pie had it been left up to me.
Frozen fish company Young's make a great one, called the Admiral's Pie which as it says on the box is Alaska Pollock fillets with mashed potato, butter sauce and cheddar cheese. Nuke it for 10 minutes in the microwave and your ready to tuck in! I always add chips because its not a particularly filling meal if served on its own. Some however might be put off by this as being too 'potatoey'. (Not a word? It should be!)

Music to eat to ~ Kyuss, Stone Sour, Green Day

Croque Monsieur

You get these in France (or Lidl)

Every food fan knows that France is one of the leading countries when it comes to culinary delights. Such is their poetry in the kitchen they can even make a boring old grilled cheese sandwich sound interesting. What you see in the above pictures is a Croque Monsieur, or what we in the UK would call a ham and cheese toastie. The cheese usually used is either Gruyère or Emmental.
The cheese used compliments the ham well, but personally I would have bunged some onion in there too. But even without onion, this is not a shabby sandwich by any means. And toasties are a good comfort food to turn too if a spot of the 'glums' has perched its miserable ass on your shoulders.
Its decieving too because whereas it doesn't appear to be very filling, finish one and you'll be more than satisfied.
The only grumble I have is toward the middle of the bread. It got quite 'soggy' from the heat when I expected it to be crisp like the crust. But whether this was due to this particular brand I don't know as I never ordered a Croque Monsieur when I was in France last.

Music to eat to ~ Lita Ford, Ugly Kid Joe, Europe

Another Cheeze Roadkill

Perfection in a bun

I know ive written about my famous Cheeze Roadkills before but this one I made a few days ago was SO PERFECT that I just had to post a piccy of it here. Is your mouth watering? Is there a tingle running down your spine? There should be because this Roadkill was paradise in a bun! It was so tasty I wanted it to last forever. Boy was it GOOOOD!
So easy to make too as all you need is bacon, cheese (mature cheddar) and a bread roll.

Music to eat to ~ anything.Bacon is fine with anything!

The Burrito of Love

F**king Tasty

First off, I admit that not every dish featured in this blog is homecooked. I don't have the time nor the skill to make everything myself, so I hope you won't be too picky when you read the description of this site in the header above. Peace.
I have never tried a Burrito until today. I have eaten a few Mexican dishes in the past and to be honest I was never that thrilled by them, so I was happy to give the Burrito a miss. Today however I was stuck on what to eat and I found my hand picking up two Chilli Beef Burritos; tomato tortillas filled with chilli beef and topped with cheese sauce and Monterey Jack cheese.
Oh my f**king word, they were/are delicious! And I am now mightily miffed dear mosher, miffed at all those wasted years I have spent ignoring them! Plenty of beef and cheese make two of these burritos a satisfying meal in just themselves. I needed no chips (fries) to go with them. They would be a great snacking food too while knocking back the cider and beer. Interestingly the photo on the box is of the burritos next to a salad but to my mind, putting them next to lettuce would be weird. Its a heavy meal and the greenery would not add anything to it, in my opinion. Anyway forget the shrubbery, all hail the metalness that is the Burrito!

Music to eat them to ~ ZZ Top, Mastodon, Kreator, Crowbar.

Steve's Cheeze Roadkill

Great with Guiness

First off, kindly ignore those poor excuses for bacon rashers. I was trying out a new butchers and he f**ked up and served me streaky instead of back cushion of swine, which is what I usually prefer. This particular meat vendor has since been sentenced to week's sobriety whilst being only able to listen to Katy Perry. He's lucky my bullwhip was in the wash.
Anyway, its easy enough to see what my recent snack has been; bacon with mature cheddar cheese slowly melted on top like a greasy mistress eager for some mouth action. I call this a cheeze roadkill™. The good old fried egg is usually this headbangers first choice in a swine sarnie but I had a lot of cheese left over from a salad (a salad?? Concerned editor) so decided on a change of sandwich.
All you need to do is get some back bacon (its also called a middle cut), grill until crispy then throw some graated cheese over it and melt slowly. Tomato ketchup isn't the best sauce to go with this, so use good old HP brown sauce. You can toast the bread if you prefer but personally I find toasted bread takes away the flavour of the bacon, but hey, each to his own and all of that. Guiness is a grand accompaniment to a plate of cheeze roadkill.

Music to chow down to ~ Motorhead, Circus Of Power, Chrome Division, Black Label Society.

N.B. Cheeze Roadkill™ is registered trademark owned by the author of this here blog. Any attempt to use it without acknowledging the author will result in you being hunted by a shadowy organisation who use boiling fat and kebabs on word magpies.

Pizza Plus Bourbon Equals Rockasm

A typical supper for me

Whereas others opt to have milk and cookies at suppertime (some are more daring and have a can of beer with a packet of crisps), I like to have an entire pizza, followed by bourbon shots. Okay I put my hand up here and admit, this isn't homebaked pizza, but as I know from bitter-almost-roasted-alive experience, baking ovens and bourbon is never a safe mix, im happy to go with the flow of melted cheese.
The pizza in this photo was a Triple Cheese Feast and not my usual Pepperoni Meat Feast. To make the pizza complete I also fry an egg and plonk it in the middle but didn't fancy doing this with so much cheese.