MacWimpy

The funk of the junk

If home cooked beef burgers are Iron Maiden, those salt infested abominations available in the sickly, neon kingdoms are Bryan Adams. Popular and safe to show your mother but quite unremarkable in both taste and looks (still we love Bri eh?) Generic patties, all marching to the same beat on a giant conveyor belt into the jelly stomachs of unfussy masses.
When you put away the wallet/purse and cook your own beef burgers, you will see, and more importantly TASTE the difference. Sure a visit to MacFrankenstein is easier and it keeps the kids happy (which is depressing in itself) but easy rarely makes way for quality.
Home is where heart (and belly) is. Everyone remembers fondly, the home cooked burger that mum always made. Nothing else was like it, unique in every way. Ah the memories! (Something else the neon sh!thouses seldom throw up). You might not get a 'free' toy with a meal at home but mum doesn't need to fob you off with plastic bribes ~ her burgers is plenty.
See me up there in the photo with my convenient, greasy scrumpings? What you can't see is the boredom in my eyes, and a soul so utterly bored with fastfood. I love food but there's nothing to love about a branded zombie burger. Uniformed. Grub shouldn't look, smell and taste the same, and it shouldn't be manhandled by a skinny teenager on job placement before handing over your coin.

Sweet Chili Duck Legs

Sweet Chili Duck Legs £2.99 from Aldi. A choice of 2 other sauces are available

There is a lot of snobbery aimed at German supermarkets Aldi and Lidl but you know what? Its foolish because they sell some good food if you catch them on a good day (which as more and more are turning to them is quick becoming every day). Superman would shop at these places. Batman too regardless of his billionaire status. And why the f**k not? These stores sell some darned tasty grub. Hell I don't need to go via Budget Alley but frog's legs in gravy! Everything, and I do mean everything comes down to taste. Laverbread, what Richard Burton once described as the "Welsh caviar" begins life in rockpools, which is hardly the desired home of any self respecting gentleman, and yet BOOM! Greatest. Welsh. Actor. Ever. Recommends it.
So cut the phoney chitter chatter and get yer asses down to Aldi and nab yourself some fine tasting treats. Duck is duck so what the f**k? Get it on the dish, it tastes delish!

Be warned: Do not cook in microwave for 18 minutes. I found it way too tough. 14 minutes would have done ace.
And two, when it says "thick" think toffee apple consistency. Its sweet too but hell, if it worked (and worked well) for someone who doesn't usually go for sweet food, then I can 99% say you will enjoy these legs.

Check my video out for a more 'in depth' description. Yeah the quality isn't that great but I might make this a trademark *winks* Enjoy!

Hot Spaghetti

As the nights draw in and cruel Mr Frost arrives with his icy talons, offing pensioners and making British Gas merry, the need for heat is now pretty much priority to us Brits. If you are a fan of hot sauce like my good self, you can get warm for free too (minus cost of sauce obviously), eliminating the need to walk around indoors in scarf and five jumpers. Win!! It works too! Regular readers of these blogs will know the kid of crazy heat these sauces throw out. Believe me, its quite comical reading how friends on Facebook are freezing their azzes off while I am sitting in a tee shirt, sweating buckets.

Psycho Scratchin's

Come to papa!

Man has been searching for the perfect 'pub snack' ever since we brewed that first beer. Alcohol gives you the munchies, and for a while, bags of salted peanuts (pinned to cardboard featuring a naked woman, remember those?) seemed to be the Daddy. Not any more, daddy has found a hotter model. And when I say HOT, think Christie Brinkley wearing nothing but high heels, a come-to-bed smile and holding a neon sign saying F**KING HOT.
Ladies and gentlemen, moshers and maggots, I bring thee Psycho Scratchin's! Or rather Dr Burnorium (www.hotsauceemporium.co.uk) does, since he is the evil genius behind these fabulously, fiery snacks of awesome. Yup, the creator of Psycho Juice hot sauce has gone and done it again. Praise the lord (of hot stuff.) I didn't think pork crackling could get better but holy sweet pepper, Psycho Scratchin's are the dog's wotsits. It took all my willpower, paper thin at the best of times, not to eat three bags in one go. Moreish isn't the word (well it is but you know what I mean.)
Delicious pork rind liberally dusted with Ghost Pepper (Naga Jolokia) with a satisfying crunch, and as a bonus these don't taste half as salty as inferior crackling. I love the heat of these too, face melt for sure, but a very pleasant face melt! (See me eating them in vid below.) If you fancy something different, put down that dry roasted peanut, and head on over to Dr Burnorium's Hot Sauce Emporium and order some. I guarantee you'll be back for more, these are special indeed.
Now this is the third time I have featured Dr Burnorium's sauces and snacks in my blogs and before anyone starts wondering if I am on his payroll or not, nope, im not. The reason for these 'reviews' is simple; when I discover a fantastic product I get excited (like getting a new Slayer album,) I want to share it with others so they don't miss out, I want to 'give it props' as our American cousins would say. Go tell it on the mountain! Or perhaps volcano would be more apt in this case since these Scratchin's are like little lava chunks, waiting to melt in yer gob in a fireball of great flavour and wicked heat.
So no payroll here, just a very satisfied customer who will keep returning for more Psycho Juice awesomness. Pain shouldn't taste this good.

Cheese & Chives

So moorish!

Why in name of Kerry King's beard have Tesco stopped selling these wonderful crisps? It was one of the only tasty things they sold. (I find their grub very bland). Forget Pringles, these cheese & chive potato snacks were the buisness. And I demand Tesco bring them back this instant!